You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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