I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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