She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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