I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
