I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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