This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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