Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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