If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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