I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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