is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
