i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
