I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
whose parrot is this?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
