a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
