i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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