Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
