I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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