i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
