also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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