Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
