if you like me you must not know who I am
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
