Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
