I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You need a sexual gate keeper
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
