hotel room ftw
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
