And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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