Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
