he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think my moral compass just broke
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
