so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
