I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
