Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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