Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
