its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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