I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
