You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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