dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Bring me that man meat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
