tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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