She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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