I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
