i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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