i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
