I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
