Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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