She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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