I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Please don't give away my fajitas
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
