you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
