omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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