Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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