Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
