all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
