youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
