omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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