Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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